I’m 33 today. I got a few wrinkles, permanent eyebags and white hairs hiding among the purple.
Age is just a number. Apart from my looks, questionable health, being sleepy at 9pm, I do feel younger. Maybe it comes from acting too old for my age in my youth. My mother did tell me multiple times that since birth, I have always been in a rush to get ahead. I was originally due on Christmas Day.
I watched too many Calvento files and Days of Our Lives episodes as a kid. I may have started liking boys at too young an age.
I became competitive with my studies, quiz bees, sports, research contests, joining the next cool company. In many ways, I’ve felt like I was pushing myself to do things an older wiser person would do.
Then, my body started feeling older. I got hitched. I have a kid. The universe doesn’t $@#*% slow down. Thank goodness my experience with anxiety and depression taught me this cool trick of focusing on what I can control.
I feel younger because I’ve learned that I may not be able to stop time and &@$! hitting the fan but I can choose to slow the $@#*% down.
It’s your birthday.
You turn two today.
Time goes by so fast. I’m happy you’re growing into a smart, handsome, kind (sometimes crazy) boy. But at the same time, I feel bad that so much of your life is passing by without me at your side.
I often wonder how other moms do it. How do they go about with barely any sleep, cook all the meals for the family, keep the house clean, do the laundry, do budgeting, spend 50-60 hours working and still care for a young child?
Truth is, without your father and Tita (and/or Grandma) – I really don’t believe I can manage. I either go nuts trying to get work done or I feel extreme separation anxiety when I am unable to spend more time with you. So yes, the house is constantly a mess and the next meal is always a mystery. For someone who plans ahead and manages a lot of projects at work – I just plain suck at managing a home.
Often, I come from work tired out of mind – that I am not even able to give our family quality time.
But know that if I had a choice, if we can afford it (this state, and country in general is insanely expensive), I will leave the corporate world in a heartbeat to care for you full-time. I am not sure if I will be any better at keeping up with chores but I know I’ll be the best damn mom that I can be, not half-assing like I am right now.
Know that I keep working not only because I want you to have a better life, the best life. I also keep working because I want to excel at something (in addition to being your mom). So that when you grow older, you’ll know that at some point, in some other way, your mother rocked. Then, maybe, I could hope to inspire you like you continue to inspire me.
I love you, Son.
Hope you have a happy birthday!
When we were kids, my older sister and I didn’t used to get along as well as we do now. But mostly because she was the responsible no-BS eldest child who expected a lot more from me, the immature BS-loving middle child.
As we got older, we did end up having more things in common and I guess my maturity had somewhat (maybe) caught up with hers. I value and respect her a lot more now… for everything she’s been and everything she’s become. If there is anything I admire the most about her, it would be how she goes after what she wants. I think it’s what made her very successful in her career, personal life and various interests.
To my Ate, I was such a punk to you when we were younger even when you were just trying to teach me to grow up. But I love you and thank you for being someone I could look up to. Happy Birthday and I wish you an even more awesome life!